Sunday, January 29, 2012

Questions Raised

Giving birth to an amazing baby boy...
A few years later, adopting two precious Ethiopian cuties...
Most recently, a miscarriage...

Huh?  I don't get it.  Well, I do, but apparently many others don't.  It's interesting how many questions have been raised since others have learned of our miscarriage.  Since I'm kind of in a "sharing, lay it all on the table" kind of mood, I decided to address some publicly. 

Know that we are doing well, and this isn't written in an ill spirit.  We've been open and honest throughout our adoption journey and repeatedly tell people that no question is off limits.  Why?  We have done nothing ourselves... it is only what God has done within, through and for us.  Miscarriage did not lead us to adoption, but I know for many others that is exactly what draws them to consider it.  If our personal experience can be a tool for someone or resonates with another, then I'd hate to keep it silent. 

1.  You adopted after having "your own" kid?  Was that because you were told you shouldn't or couldn't have anymore children? 

Hopefully, this is the only somewhat harsh thing I'll say, but first, I detest the phrase "your own"!  Unfortunately, I've had such things written in a bio (obviously that someone else wrote) before speaking, and I've heard it said by others (including extended family members).  I assure you that Jeremiah and Rachel are as much "my own" as Caleb.  These three beautiful little ones are God's babies, and I'm just blessed He has entrusted them to Jon and I.  I'm humbled to be their Momma and wholeheartedly love them each. 

Medically, we were never told that we couldn't or shouldn't have biological children.  Our choice to adopt was made well before Caleb was ever conceived.  In fact, on our very first date, Jon and I each shared our individual, God-given desires to adopt.  It was our belief that God would grow our family solely through adoption, but God had other plans.  His perfect will for our lives included Caleb Scott, and we couldn't be happier.  As Caleb grew and it appeared to be time for him to have siblings, adoption was our inevitable choice.

Our decision to adopt was an act of obedience to the calling God so clearly gave to us.  Because of this great desire within, Jon and I truly believe we could have loved ANY child, but it was GOD who chose Jeremiah and Rachel to be adopted into our family.  We are forever grateful!  While the circumstances that led to their need to be adopted is heartbreaking, God's redemptive and restorative power prevails!  The Father to the fatherless is Sovereign.

2.  Aren't you planning to adopt again?

Yes, we do believe God is calling us to adopt again.  Because we had such a positive experience adopting children at 3 and 5 years of age, we do not desire to adopt an infant.  While we don't know any specifics of our future adoption (country, exact age, etc.), we most definitely feel God moving us in the direction of an even older child this next time around. 

In fact, due to several different situations we have encountered, God has really stirred our hearts to pray about adopting a child who is available due to an adoption disruption or dissolution.  Our hearts have been broken and tears have been cried for children in such situations, and we've been doing our research.  Whether we are simply called to pray and advocate for such children or eventually bring one into our home, one thing is presently clear.  Due to the current ages of our children - 5, 6, and 7, now does not appear to be the right time to pursue an adoption from disruption - or any older child adoption.  Still know that we are praying and open to God's timing and leading!

3.  Were you trying to get pregnant?

Knowing we'd like to adopt an older child and the timing is not right at this point, I really wanted to experience an "itty, bitty" one more time.  Our children desperately want younger siblings... NOW!  Months ago actually.  They each comment on "our baby" all the time and have put in their requests.  Jeremiah wants a WHITE baby because Rachel sucks her thumb and that's nasty.  (Apparently, he thinks a white baby won't do that???)  Caleb wants a BROWN baby - maybe from Haiti this time.  Rachel wants a MERMAID baby with a pink tail and sparkles.  I've convinced her that won't happen, so she'll concede just so long as there is a baby "SOON Momma, please!"

Without going into details, once Jon and I made the decision to try, basically, we VERY quickly were!

4.  Why didn't I know you were pregnant?

Please don't take this personal.  You were in good company... hahaha - with most everyone we know!  Not our style to spill the beans to early... shocking I know since in other arenas we are extremely transparent and open.  (aka Blabbermouths!)  With Caleb, I don't think we shared with our families until 12 weeks.  With children in our home, we definitely wanted to keep things quiet until we knew the pregnancy was viable and all was well.  In this case, it wasn't, so instead of learning I was prego, you learned I was having a D&C and terrified of going under anesthesia for the first time ever.

5.  Why didn't you tell your kids what was going on?

Our kids never knew and won't know (at least not until they are older) about the pregnancy.  Thus, explaining the need for a D&C would be lost on them.  No need to do that!

My Jeremiah and Rachel have experienced such loss.  When you have one Momma in heaven, you are pretty protective of the one you got now and fear more loss.  Rachel, especially, panics if I have a headache or runny nose.  It was not my desire to escalate any fears.  Actually, another way I knew that I was doing ok with the disappointing news of my miscarriage was my almost immediate need to protect my kiddos.  My prayer requests were that they would not fear knowing Mommy was going to be at the hospital.

With Jon working at the hospital as a surgical nurse, it was not a lie at all to tell the kiddos that Mommy was going to see a Dr. and nurses at Daddy's work.  They knew that I'd sleep there a little bit and because Jeremiah asked about an IV we confirmed that Mommy would get a "drink in her hand" like Rachel did.  The kiddos got to enjoy a night at Grandma & Grandpa's and Mommy was awake (just a little drugged and groggy) when they came home and greeted me with sweet hugs and kisses.

6.  Are you going to try and get pregnant again?
As with all things, Jon and I will need to seek God's guidance and wait upon Him. 

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