Years ago, I would have said something trivial like admitting my fear of dogs. With some age and maturity and having taken some things for granted, my greatest fear is regret. In regards to my family and serving God, I don't want to look back on this season (or any for that matter) and realize there are things I "coulda, shoulda, woulda" done.
I have a 6, 7, and 8 year old and the baby is nearing 5 months.... what?!?! Time is fleeting for sure! I make more mistakes as a Momma than I'd care to admit. There are days when I just can't stomach one more tidbit of
I don't want my children to ever question my love for them. I desire more hugs, kisses, cuddles, "good job's" and "I'm proud of you's!" I want them to have many memories of our times together laughing, playing, serving, and loving. (Time to eradicate some memories of Momma being frustrated, disappointed, and angry.)
God is up to something, no doubt! Jon and I are both restless and wrestling... there is a stirring within our hearts. There is a need for less and a need for more. There has been both conviction and rebuke. There is clarity and confusion. There are questions.... Why? What? Where? When? and How? Some answers are screaming and others ever evasive. We've been reminded of our unique God-given gifts and abilities, faced our shortfalls, redirected, and refocused. Why? We don't want to live with regret! We fear looking back on our lives and saying, "Why did we do/act/go/serve/enter in so little?" Rather than say I led a comfortable life, I want to say I entered into the struggle and pain of others and in love pointed them to The Great Comforter in life.
I realize to some this sounds very "holier than thou." Not my intent in any way shape or form! When confronted with my own failures, inadequacies, and misguided thoughts, this is where I find myself... fearing a life of regret! In this instance only... it is about ME! God is dealing with ME! Hopefully, shaping and molding, so I can be about HIS business and shift my focus on to OTHERS.